A Crossdresser or Something
by College Fool
Summary: Feeling guilty for all the lies, trusting that he's earned his place, Jaune resolves to tell his friends the truth. No matter how emasculating it is. That's kind of the point, though, and the crew will never look at the boy the same way again because, well-
1. Chapter 1

_Guilty for all the lies, trusting that he's earned his place, Jaune resolves to tell his friends the truth. No matter how emasculating it is. That's kind of the point, though, and the crew will never look at the boy the same way again because, well-_

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY. It belongs to RoosterTeeth, and the memory of the master of computer animation. May your brainchild keep moving forward, Monty.

* * *

The Emasculating Confession

* * *

It was no surprise that Team RWBY was later to the two-team meeting than Team JNPR, considering Jaune who called it in JNPR's quarters. It was a bit surprising to find the Team PR there when they did arrive, though.

"Morning!" Ruby greeted as led her team through the doors. "Where's Jaune?" she asked, noticing his absence.

"Fearless Leader is hiding in the bathroom," Nora said with a chuckle, before turning her head and yelling, "It won't work, Boss Man! We know you're there! Come out and spill the beans!"

Ren rolled his eyes at Nora's teasing. "He's trying to compose himself," he said more tactfully, taking out his scroll as he did so and fiddling with the buttons. "He's been nervous all morning. Pyrrha's in there trying to calm him down."

"Psh. Figures Jaune would be a scaredy cat for his own meeting," Yang said without any real malice. "What's this about, anyway? Care to share?"

Ruby pulled out her own scroll and looked at the message they all received. It seemed pretty obvious to her- a message titled 'Confessions,' which she began to read. "I'm sorry, but I've been lying to you all. You deserve to know the truth. Please come by later at-"

"Yes, yes, we all read that," Weiss interrupted, impatient. "The Dunce even misspelled his own name. She meant, what is the secret? Is he going to admit that he cheated his way into Beacon so that we can end this ridiculous charade? Because if it is, I don't intend to spend all day waiting around while he hides in a bathroom."

Ren blinked. "You knew?" he asked. He had suspected himself, seeing how far behind Jaune had been. But if there was anyone who would have exposed the secret if known, he would have bet on the heiress.

"Of course I figured it out!" Weiss exclaimed, as if her common sense had been doubted. "He was so inept it was practically an open secret!" Which, to be fair, was probably true. Four other heads nodded.

One did not. "Jaune… cheated?" Ruby asked, voice low. She was the only one surprised, and sounded… hurt.

'You have got to be kidding me,' more than person thought. Except for Yang, who felt the urge to punch someone for making her sis frown. Jaune, for lying? Weiss, for revealing it? Eh, either would do, though Jaune was out of punching range at the moment and Weiss was right beside her…

"Ruby," Blake said as gently as she could, "Jaune wasn't exactly… combat ready when we arrived. He still doesn't even have a Semblance. Didn't you think that was suspicious?"

"I just thought he was… awkward?" Ruby tried. "Like me? I'm awkward, and I made it in." But Weiss wouldn't have it.

"_You_ were awkward in the sense of a social runt who makes Penny seem normal," she began-

"Hey!"

"-but you are also a prodigy weapon user. _He_ not only matches you social skills, but barely knew how to hold a sword, let alone use it," she finished. "Calling him dead weight at the beginning would have been fair. Mean, but fair."

Three sets of eyes narrowed briefly at her frank assessment, but Yang intervened before it could escalate. "If you suspected, why didn't you bring it up and get him expelled when you figured it out?" she asked. "You could have had him kicked out and not put up with his flirting all that time."

Weiss paused, and had the grace to look a bit uncomfortable. "I- that is, I-"

"She didn't mind dead weight holding back another team if it made hers look better," Blake supplied from behind a book. There was just the slightest hint of a smile in her tone to make it as much a tease as an accusation.

Weiss looked indignant. "That was only part of the reason!" she exclaimed.

Five disapproving faces looked back at the admission. Weiss tried to outlast them with poise, but soon gave up and gave the less damning reasons.

"And, er, by the time I figured it out we were already past the Initiation and I figured the Teachers wouldn't risk anything too dangerous where he could get himself or anyone else hurt. And then he had a team to pick up the slack, and they trained him and he matured a bit and-" she trailed off, uncomfortable trying to admit nice things about others.

"He became an acceptable student?" Ren supplied.

"He became a better fighter?" Ruby suggested.

"He helped hook you up with your boyfriend?" Yang teased.

"He made pancakes?" Nora suggested. That's what sold her.

"…" Blake said, and became the center of attention. "What?" she asked defensively. "You just gave all his good points."

"You could have said something about his morals," Yang said. "Standing up for Velvet, remember?"

"He already had character," Blank responded evenly with a shrug. "That didn't improve."

"Yes. Anyways. All that." Weiss strained to admit. "He is a… barely tolerable student now. He could possibly even get into Beacon in his own right now if he tried, so I don't see a reason to expel him" she said, feeling dirty. Schnee's weren't meant for unreserved praise. "He's still far behind us, of course, and woefully awkward, but he's come this far because he has a good team behind him."

Backhanded compliments made everything better.

"Yeah, we rock," Nora boasted. "It's because of us Jauney boy had a chance."

"What did you even do?" Yang asked, curious. "Last I remember, you just threatened to kneecap Cardin."

"And a mighty good threat it was," Nora remembered proudly. "That was the moral support of letting him know we had his back."

"I'm just curious as to why he's coming out now?" Ren mused, changing the topic. "If he got away with the deception this long…"

"It's probably because he trusts you enough to do so," Blake said. "It's… not easy keeping a big secret from your friends," the faunus admitted.

Everyone, even Nora and especially Team RWBY, went silent at that.

"I just… thought he already trusted us enough for that," Ruby said quietly. "Weren't we already his friends?" Jaune was- had been- still was?- her first friend at Beacon. Had she messed up being a friend somehow? Had he not trusted her enough to confide in her? They had had meaningful character development talks together! They had even been milk buddies! Had all that been a lie?

"Naw, Rubes, you were his friend," Yang tried to reassure. "I'm sure he would have told his closest friend. The rest of us were just- acquaintances?" she tried. "I mean, just think if Cardin had found out before he told you?"

There was a pause in which the universe injected irony.

"But he didn't tell me," Ruby pointed out, looking even more down.

"Wow, nice foot and mouth there," Weiss muttered.

"Must be genetic," Nora agreed as Blake took over from the fumbling Yang.

"It doesn't mean you weren't friends," Blake reassured. "It just means he wasn't ready to admit certain things. Remember how long it took me?" she asked with a soft smile. Those days had been so hard, fear of how they might take the truth even as she grew closer to them, but looking back at them and how her team had reacted…

Ruby smiled back. "I didn't care," she remembered and reminded. Not in a bad way, at least.

"We all didn't care," Weiss said beside her. "Eventually," she caveated, before being rewarded for her honesty with an elbow from Ruby.

"And we're all not going to care about this," Yang said with finality and a smile. "Jaune may be an embarrassing no-good weak-ass liar who cheated his way into Beacon, but he's _our_ embarrassing no-good weak-ass liar. And he's more than all that too, so we don't have to be too ashamed to call him a friend."

"Yeah," Ruby agreed, perking up a little. She _probably_ agreed more with Yang's cheer and conclusion than her description of their friend.

"And the least we can do as friends is wait for him to be ready to talk to us. Isn't that why he invited us? Because he does trust you?" Blake said with one of her unguarded smiles.

Ruby smiled back at her wonderful team. "Yeah," she said again. "Because we're friends." There wasn't a trace of doubt in her voice.

There was a gag and a click, and Team RWBY turned to remember its two person audience. Ren was watching them with his scroll held in their direction. Nora was gagging herself with a finger.

"Ren!" Nora stage whispered.

"Yes Nora?" Ren answered, punching a few buttons which gave an upload tone.

"That was seriously too sweet! I think I'm going to have _cavities!_"

"I don't think cavities work that way, Nora," Ren replied as he put away the scroll, but he was smiling as well.

Weiss put two and two together, just before everyone else did. "Did you just take a picture of that?" she demanded.

"Not at all," Ren said honestly.

"Yeah!" Nora agreed, backing up her friend. "He recorded it!"

"Thank you, Nora," Ren said with a sigh.

"No problem, Ren!" Nora returned, missing the sarcasm.

Weiss opened her mouth, likely to demand the deletion of the video (because heaven forbid there be any proof that Team RWBY, and her in particular, said anything that might be construed as nice about Jaune), before the man of the hour opened the door and entered the room. Behind him, a reassuring hand on his shoulder (and possibly pushing), was Pyrrha.

"Hey guys," Jaune greeted with a nervous wave.

"Hey Jaune!" Ruby waved back, leading the group returning the greeting. "Done hiding in the bathroom yet?"

("Wait, did he just come out of the girl's room?" Blake asked quietly.)

("Typical," Weiss scoffed.)

Jaune laughed weakly. "Yeah. I think so at least. Didn't help as much as I hoped though," he admitted.

"Jaune," Pyrrha reassured with a smile and a helpful shove to get him into the room with the rest of the teams.

"But I'm good now!" he claimed, taking deep breaths and gathering resolve. "I'm ready."

Team RWBY and the other half of Team JNPR sat patiently, ready to listen. No matter what came next, what he was about to say, they steeled their hearts (and their snark) with resolve. They were fellow Hunters and Huntresses in training. They were fellow teens with doubts and insecurities and failings of their own. They were _friends_.

They could handle this with maturity befitting young adults and future heroes. They were ready.

"Guys," Jaune prepared to admit-

* * *

"I'm actually a woman."

* * *

They _**so**_ were not ready.

* * *

Author Notes:

Part 1 of 3.

Big thanks go to Anguished One for betaing this. Pro-tip: get a beta done before posting a new story. They can catch all the embarrassing mistakes you make when you pump out a fic in a sleep-deprived haze... like calling Yang 'Wang' or not once spelling 'Pyrrha' right.


	2. Chapter 2

_Guilty for all the lies, trusting that he's earned his place, Jaune resolves to tell his friends the truth. No matter how emasculating it is. That's kind of the point, though, and the crew will never look at the boy the same way again because, well-_

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY. It belongs to RoosterTeeth, and the memory of the master of computer animation. May your brainchild keep moving forward, Monty.

* * *

Letting Hair Down and Truth Out

* * *

What followed next was loud, chaotic, and need not be described in detail here. Suffice to say that doubts were raised, accusations thrown, world views shattered, demands made, and conflict resolved by a suitably epic team fight rematch (never to be recounted) that only ended when the proof of the matter was laid to rest, along with Jaune's pants and whatever masculinity Jaune had remaining.

(Ren would have been satisfied at taking her word for it. Really. Yang didn't need to pants him as well, 'just to be sure,' even if he did have pretty eyes.)

What followed after what followed next was a good deal more sedate, and far more informative as all the friends prepared to ask their questions.

"Since when?" Nora asked first, wanting to know. She hadn't had a clue about it, but she was probably the quickest to adapt to Jaune's revelation. What it would take to actually shock her, no one could hope to know.

"Since I was born." Jaune Arc, born Joan Arc, answered. "It's not like there was magic or a semblance or surgery or anything. I've always been like this," she said.

"Tall, lanky, and awkward?" someone threw out. And it was true- having had gotten accustomed to a tall, lanky, and awkward guy, now they were trying to wrap their minds around an equally tall, lanky, and awkward girl. At least the voice wasn't as annoying, now that it wasn't faking a pitch.

"No, silly," Nora said. "I mean, yes, you are all that, but I meant how long have you been acting like a boy?"

"Since I was born?" Joan repeated, less certainly this time. "I haven't just been acting. I was raised to be my Father's son."

"Why?" Ren asked, practical and to the point. Of Team JNPR he had been the most taken aback- which meant that he had actually looked surprised, even embarrassed. In a rare moment of teenage hormones, the normally stoic teen still wouldn't meet his leader's eyes- partly from the too-recent pantsing, and partly from the mortification of realizing that Joan had seen it all in the shower room before (and he had just thought that his leader had just been shy when wearing the full body towel!).

"Because my Father wanted an heir to the family legacy," Joan said with resignation, in in those ten words alone gained more sympathy from Weiss than ten weeks of flirting ever had. "I have seven older sisters, but Dad wanted a son to inherit the Arc legacy. When Mom learned she wouldn't be able to give birth to any other children after me…"

"There's always adoption," Blake suggested.

Joan shrugged. "Dad was a big believer in the heroic bloodline of the Arcs. When he realized he wouldn't get a son, he went with the daughter he would have the longest to shape into his ideal son."

"But… you suck," Yang said without a hint of tact. "Not literally, I mean, but your fighting skills. Shouldn't you be, like, amazing if you were trained in the family legacy of heroes for all your life?"

"Yeah!" Ruby echoed. "Uncle Crow taught me how to fight in less than half that time! What gives?"

"I. Deal. **_Son_**," Joan repeated, slowing for emphasis. "Not ideal hero. He figured that if I could act like a man, being a hero would come easy."

An ominous silence came down amongst the room. "And you couldn't be a hero while a girl because…?" Yang asked, cracking knuckles. There might be no right answer to her question, but there certainly were a lot of _wrong_ answers.

Joan laughed nervously. "Because one day I'd get married, have to change my name, and lose the family legacy while I gave birth to some guy's children?" she said weakly. "His words, not mine!" she protested.

"Ugh. At least we know where that bad machismo came from," Yang muttered. "He really did a number on you, didn't he?" she asked, not without sympathy.

"It wasn't that bad," Joan protested, defending her father. "He might have been-"

"Less than an ideal parent?" Ren offered.

"Bound in archaic sexism?" Blake whispered darkly.

"Obsessed with a legacy at the expense of his child?" Weiss judged.

"In need of a kneecapping?" Nora offered.

"No! Well, maybe- no, no kneecapping Nora!" Joan rejected. "What I mean was, he raised seven wonderful daughters in my sisters, and never loved them any less for it. He taught me my morals and beliefs and encouraged me when I wanted to help people. It's not like he was disappointed in me or set impossible standards or anything. He never said I couldn't be a hero because I was a girl. He just… needed a son to carry the family name," she said. "I get what he did wasn't… normal, but he was my father. I love him, he loved me, and when I got into Beacon he took me out and said he was proud of me." Joan smiled softly at the memory, despite the deceit behind it. Some children really would do anything to please their parents.

The friends weren't sure what to say. 'Complicated' seemed to sum it up- Weiss in particular. Who would have expected the blond dolt to simultaneously have both a more dysfunctional and yet engaged father-daughter relationship than her own? Still…

"What was with all the awful flirting?" Weiss asked. Her view of the blond knight had probably shifted the most in light of the revelations, but the distasteful memories were still, well, distasteful. "More of your Father's influence?" she asked. It would figure that a man so interested in a male heir might shove some… other influences on a young mind.

"No, that was just part of my cover as a guy," Joan denied. "I figured that I was claiming to be a teenage hormonal guy, I should act the part. So I looked for the first person most likely to shoot me down, kept at it so that any other girls wouldn't think I was open and interested, and, well-" Joan had the decency to look a bit bashful. "Sorry about annoying you like that," she apologized sincerely. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't said no."

"Does that mean you thought that the rest of us might have given you a chance?" Yang asked with a laugh. That would have been ridiculous. Even if 'he' had toned down the machismo or adopted a different approach, there's no way that anyone-

Ruby fidgeted awkwardly in her seat. Pyrrha, seated beside her partner as always, maintained her ever-present smile.

-never mind then.

"I choose to believe that she just realized that I have the best taste amongst us and acted accordingly," Weiss said haughtily. That was a far better rationalization than 'thought she was the most stuck-up bitch in the Academy.'

"Sure. Let's go with that," Blake said dryly, likely thinking the same thing. "I'm just curious as to how you kept it a secret from your team. Especially Ren there," she pointed.

"Yeah, that's right! Didn't you two share a bathroom?" Ruby asked.

"And locker room showers? How did you never notice?" Yang chortled at the last boy.

"Oh, Ren's just shy and probably never looked," Nora suggested. "He's always changing or showering alone whenever I barge through."

Everyone in the room took a second of silence to let that think in. Nora simply smiled, and Ren flushed once again.

"I don't make a habit of checking out my teammates in the shower," Ren claimed. "Do you?" he challenged Team RWBY.

"Well, duh," Yang said. "That's half the fun of shared bathrooms. How else do you think I check up on how I stack up against the competition?" she asked with a leer.

Team RWBY shifted away from the Blonde, half of them feeling inadequate.

"In my defense," Ren tried again, "Jaune wore a strapless dress to the ball and not one of you noticed either."

Everyone's eyes widened at the reminder. That was true!

"Dude…" Yang realized, turning towards the other blonde.

"Dudette," Blake helpfully reminded, but Yang ignored her.

"You wore a dress and were the least girly thing in the room! You must be flatter than Weiss!"

"Hey!" Weiss exclaimed, before realizing it was true. She had to restrain herself from cheering- no longer last!

Joan looked embarrassed and scratched her head. "And now you see the other reason I didn't mind the way my father raised me. I'm... not very good at playing the part of a girl."

"Oh, don't be so hard on yourself!" Nora cheered with a heavy pat on the back. It only almost sent him into the floor. "You can't be any worse than you've been at being a guy!"

"Thanks Nora."

"Anytime Boss Woman!"

"But- it still makes no sense," Yang wondered. "Like, your adam's apple-"

"Semblance," Joan claimed, waiving it aside. Let us never speak of it again.

"Hey, Jaune?" Ruby piped up, ready to ask her question.

"Yes Ruby?" Joan answered, not bothering to correct her on the name.

"Does this change anything?" she wondered with a touch of concern. "Like, do you have to get kicked out of school or leave your friends or get disowned from your family or anything now that you've told us?"

"It doesn't have to," Joan said. "Miss Goodwich knows- my medical records can't lie. They might have me down for some sort of Gender Identity Disorder-"

"You are not a Disorder," Pyrrha said softly but firmly, her first words of the post-confession. There was steel behind them, ready to challenge anyone who disagreed. Joan gave her partner a grateful smile.

"-but that's not a reason to expel someone from Beacon. As long as you kill Grim, no one cares what gender you are- or identify to. So what if I think in masculine tense?" Joan shrugged.

"And your family?" Blake asked. Too many books told of broken bonds of family over secrets such as these.

"My father used to say 'If you really live up to being an Arc, Real Friends will accept the man you are on the inside.' He always said that it was my choice of who I told, if I told anyone."

"That was… nice of him," Weiss conceded. There were a lot, a lot, of issues that could be made with Mr. Arc's parenting decisions. How much of Joan's life, of being raised a man and a hero, was forced onto her by her father? How much was because she herself was willing and wanted to, to be a hero or please her father? It might be impossible to pull the two apart. But at least they seemed close all the same.

"And as for friends… well Dad always said that a Real Man can trust his friends with his life and his honor and still call them friends at the end of the day. So I don't have to go if ya'll don't want me to."

Unsaid, but heard- "I trust you all."

Unsaid, and never would be begged, but pleaded all the same. "Please still be my friends."

Ruby almost reached Joan before everyone else answered in their own way. Almost beat Yang's cheeky thumbs up, not before Weiss's roll of the eyes as if there was any alternative, only after Blake gave that silent smile she offered in support. She couldn't outrace the sound of Nora's whoop, was too far away to match Ren's quiet but brotherly nod, too slow to beat Pyrrha's supportive hand.

For perhaps the first time in her life, semblance or no, Ruby Rose came in dead last in a race as she gave her friend a hug. But no one cared a bit, not least Joan as she returned the embrace full of heartfelt sentiment. But Ruby would not be still for long.

Ruby circled around, looping an arm around her first friend at Beacon and using her broad shoulders as a podium. She looked at everyone else with a smile. "Friends! Sister! That one weirdly quiet guy we tolerate because we have to!"

"Hey!" Ren exclaimed.

"Four score and seven-tenths of a second ago, I had a dream!"

"Oh, this ought to be good. Again." Yang said with a smile as Ruby rolled forward.

"A dream that one night, this night, our two teams would come together, as a better team, and induct our old-new friend into the Sisterhood in the only way appropriate!"

Nora squealed in excitement. "Do you mean-?" she began.

"Yes!"

"Did you just plagiarize your own joke?" Weiss asked.

"Yes!"

"Do I have a say in this?" Joan asked from her position as Ruby's podium.

"No!"

Ruby drew herself up and pointed a finger imperiously.

"Yang, get our stuff! We're going to have the Best. Slumber. Party. Ever!"

"Oh no…" Joan muttered.

"Oh yeah!" every other girl exclaimed.

* * *

Author Notes:

You know what I don't get? People who gender-bend Jaune and don't call her 'Joan.' It makes no sense to me.

If chapter one was my take on a pure-friendship fic of Jaune's friends, consider this my light-hearted parody of the countless 'Jaune's improved backstory' fics. It's not that I don't get the appeal- Jaune's a fraud with an annoying voice and even more annoying machismo, and needlessly so. Some of his antics went beyond 'comic relief' to aggravating butt-momkey. I totally get why people want to embellish his backstory- Jaune's a cool guy when the chips are down and pretensions are out and you need moral character. People want to make him cooler.

But come on, people- this is a Monty Oum universe. The coolest people are _always_ the women. Jaune's not going to fit into the rare quiet male ninja-dude that Oum liked, that's Ren, so if you _really_ wanted to make him cooler by retcon...

Bah. Amateurs.

(Wink wink nudge nudge, that's a joke. I'll confess- I got my own Jaune backstory reinterpretation ideas, even if I shy away from the 'he's a overpowered badass' and more towards 'he's not so damn awkward and flirty.')

Final part tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

_Guilty for all the lies, trusting that he's earned his place, Jaune resolves to tell his friends the truth. No matter how emasculating it is. That's kind of the point, though, and the crew will never look at the boy the same way again because, well-_

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own RWBY. It belongs to RoosterTeeth, and the memory of the master of computer animation. May your brainchild keep moving forward, Monty.

* * *

Chapter 3: More of a Decent Slumber Party, Really

* * *

"Do I even have a role in this?" Ren asked.

"Yes- no- huh. I didn't think that far. Nora?" Ruby asked.

"Hm… sure! He can be like our honorary gay friend!" Nora said with cheer.

"Nora!" Ren exclaimed, flushing a third time. (Three times in one day- was this a record? Was he sick?)

"Wasn't expecting that one," Blake admitted. Not from Nora at least.

"Oh, it's just just for one night, Ren," Nora waved off. "Just wear that dress of yours! You know, the silk one!"

"Ren has a dress?" Yang's eyes lit up with mirth. _Two_ cross-dressers on Team JNPR?

"It's a hanfu," Ren began with dignity, "the traditional dress of the men of my people for-"

"Dress, handfull, same difference!" Nora said. "You can't be the only one left out of a girl's night!"

"Uh, I think I can," Ren tried. "Since, you know, I'm not a girl."

"I don't know," Yang said with a cheeky grin, as if she hadn't _already_ pantsed him to know just that. "That's what Jauney Boy used to say, and look how that turned out."

"But that's- but I'm not- ugh," Ren said, giving up. "I don't even know how to do a girl's night."

"Ren's right," Joan said, nobly taking up the team leader's responsibility of standing up for her man. (And wasn't that a weird thing to think?) "He shouldn't be forced to participate. And since I don't know what a girl's night is either, I volunteer to keep him company."

She was immediately booed down.

"Didn't you ever get dragged into one by your seven sisters?" Blake asked.

"I have suppressed those memories," Jaune claimed.

"Come on, Jaune, it will be great!" Ruby urged. "We can paint our nails, and try on clothes, and talk about cute boys, like…" she trailed off, struggling to find an answer. Preferably one that wouldn't earn her a hammer.

"Like Ren?" Nora offered. "He's handsome. Not that we're together, well, we are together, but not together-together, because that would just be- wait!" She exclaimed, narrowing her eyes and pointing a finger at Joan. "You weren't trying to get alone time with Ren just now, were you?"

Ren's eyes widened. Joan's did as well, but her reasons were more for self-preservation. "No!" she exclaimed, fast enough that Ren's masculinity was bruised. "When I said Ren was like the brother I never had, I meant it! Family! Family!"

"Oh, okay then," Nora said sweetly. "Then we can talk about Ren."

But would anyone even want to now?

Ruby scoured her brain, thinking for any other guys their age they might know. A name came to mind, and she raised her finger and opened her mouth.

"If you suggest Cardin Winchester, we are no longer friends," both Joan and Weiss said simultaneously and with perfect seriousness. They looked at each other with surprise.

Ruby lowered her hand and closed her mouth.

Ren sighed as the girls began planning the best slumber party ever. Jaune now may be Joan, but things were still as awkward around her as ever. It promised to be a long, hard night.

...and now he wouldn't have anyone to share dirty jokes like that with. Damn.

* * *

"You seem really into this, little sis," Yang noted with some approval as Ruby applied the nail polish on Jaune's captive finger. Which is to say, Yang had the new-found girl in a submission hold, while Ruby painted the prisoner. "Trying to make up for something?"

"Well, Weiss was just joking when she said it when we got here, but this is my chance!"

"Your chance?" Blake wondered.

"To have a slumber party like a normal girl!" Ruby said. "Plus, I get to teach Jaune how to be a proper girl!"

"That's a scary thought," Weiss muttered. To think, Crater Face was now giving facial moisturizing tips for smooth, clear skin…

"You… do realize that I still consider myself a guy on the inside, right?" Joan said from her position trapped in Yang's bosom. "Like, I enjoy guy things. Video games, comic books, full-legged pants, that sort of thing. I don't like wearing dresses or skirts. When we go to class I'm going to wear pants, act like a guy, and respond to Jaune."

"See?" Ruby whined. "She's terrible! She doesn't even think girls can enjoy all that stuff! Is there anyone as bad at being a girl as her?"

"Penny?" Blake offered.

"She's a robot, but even she wears a skirt and acts girly," Ruby said. "We can't have Jaune be a worse girl than Penny."

"If you're going to treat me as a girl, could you at least call me by my name?" Joan asked. She was ignored, again.

"I agree," Weiss weighed in. "On our pride as women of flesh and blood, we can't let this travesty go on."

Ruby dared to hope. "Weiss… do you mean…?"

"Yes. By my name as a Schnee, we will _make_ Arc into a respectable looking girl, or she will die trying," Weiss vowed.

* * *

Ren moaned. Joan moaned. You could even say they moaned together, with Joan's pants were covering Ren's face. Neither looked like they were having the least bit of fun as the girls brought forth yet another dress and talked amongst themselves.

"Too many clothes…" Ren moaned, letting the discarded pants block the ceiling lights. How many times would they take to realize that Joan just didn't have all the right curves in all the right places? And that he really didn't want to be asked to look at them, again?

"Not enough pants…" Joan moaned. Combat skirts were well and good, but what was wrong with jeans? Jeans were nice, durable, and modest. They were also a lot warmer against a cool breeze than, well, what the other girls wore.

Couldn't a girl just get a decent pair of pants?

"You remember when we went shopping last month? The good old days when it only took the two of us five minutes?" Joan reminisced.

"That was the best." Ren agreed. "Remember when we didn't have to try on every different combination of clothing?"

"Think it would go any faster if you just told them that something looked good on me?"

"They'd want _reasons_," Ren reasoned. "And then they'd try more. And Yang would smirk and crack jokes about us." He pitched his voice to imitate the bustier blonde. "_Oooh, he thinks it looks nice on you Joan, you know what that means."_

"That you have a basic sense of fashion?" Joan asked rhetorically.

"That he would like it better on the floor," Yang answered cheekily from nearby. "Now come here, Jauney-girl. Time to try this baby on for size."

Joan and Ren moaned together once more.

* * *

Somehow, some way, the night involved a sparring match. To test out Joan's 'new look.'

It wasn't going well. Joan was doing no better than she had before, and Ren was easily avoiding her every blow... or as easily as he could while only looking at Joan straight in the eyes. It was a handicap, but not as much as when he had let his gaze dip.

Joan still couldn't fight for beans, combat skirt or no. Coincidentally, and entirely unwanted, Ren had rediscovered just how much of a legs man he really was.

Yang growled in frustration as Ren dodged another blow. "What's wrong?!" she demanded of Joan, impatient. "You're a woman, aren't you? So fight like girl and kick his ass!"

Joan sighed. Somehow, expectations for her competence had only risen.

* * *

"So, Blake, you ever read about this in one of your books?" Nora asked from the side as their other friends were involved in a video game- apparently Joan was supposed to have any lingering misogyny beaten out of her with a crushing defeat to Team RWBY at a racing game. Unfortunately, Joan and Ren had teamed up and were dominating. Not even Yang's attempts to distract them with sexy flirting was working.

"What part?" Blake answered. "Slumber parties? Family drama of sexual conventions and overbearing parents? The stress of living a lie to match social obligations? Cross-dressing?"

Nora considered. "Yes!" she agreed.

"Never," Blake lied.

"Oh. Cause I was just thinking how this is so close to a cheesy stories in which one guy is surrounded by a bunch of women and how the story revolves around implausible and baseless hormonal crushes."

"And that guy is… Jaune?" Blake wondered. She also wondered at Nora using so many big words, but that was neither here or there.

"Please leave me out of whatever you're talking about!" a distant voice called.

Nora laughed. "Nah, it'd have to be Ren!"

"Please leave me out of whatever you're talking about as well!" another distant voice called.

Blake's eyebrow raised. "Ren as a harem protagonist?" she asked, ignoring the green man's appeal.

"Well, he's the only guy left," Nora reasoned. "Now that Jaune's part of the Harem and all."

Whut.

"Well, yeah, there's me the childhood friend. You know, the one who starts together with the hero, but not together-together, because that would be weird, not that Ren is weird you know, but-"

"Yes, I know," Blake cut off. "And the rest?"

"Well we all fill a gauntlet of archetypes," Nora pointed out. "Ice Princess tsundere, Blond Bombshell party girl, mysterious catgirl ninja maid cosplay-"

"It's not cosplay," Blake hissed, ears raising. Nora just looked skeptical, since she hadn't been talking about the ears, so Blake moved on. "So what does that make Joan?" she asked.

"The crossdressing false-flag yaoi option," Nora reasoned, streaming way too many tropes together. "Starts off as your best friend, gets close to you to make the forbidden appeal… and bam. Turns out it was safe to crush on 'em all along."

Blank didn't know what to say. "And you think… this is going to happen to Ren?" she asked. "Just because he's the only guy around?" If you ignored Sun, and Neptune, and plenty of other guys around, and pretty please ignore all of Team CRDL…

"Didn't Joan say that Ren was like a brother?" she remembered.

"Not blood related," Nora shrugged. "Ren's from the East," as if that explained anything, or everything. Blake was torn between being disturbed or impressed by Nora's delusion, and settled for relieved when Yang walked up.

"What's this about Ren?" Yang asked. "That guy's a tough cooky, but I still want to see if I can make him blush a fourth time tonight," she said with a predatory grin grin.

"Why?" Blake wondered.

"Because Jauney Boy's no longer a boy and so not longer counts for flirt points?" Yang asked.

Blank didn't understand, and didn't want to. "I don't think that's respectful," she said instead.

Yang scoffed. "Respect? This is about fun! He's one guy surrounded by seven- well, six and kinda with Joan- girls. We should help him live the moment!" Blake was unmoved, and Yang gave up. "Gah, so boring. Since when did you care about respecting him so much? You've barely ever talked to the guy!" she said as she left.

Blake considered her friend's words. It was true they had had never spoken past idle greetings, but she had a positive opinion of Ren all the same. He was polite, competent, and quiet, respecting her privacy and desire to read in peace. She had never looked at him with any interest, having been more than happy to let Nora's crush (or whatever it was) be unobstructed, but she'd admit he wasn't unattractive. His eyes were quite distinctive, much like her own-

Blake's eyes opened in horror as she realized the taint of Nora's topic. Purging her mind of the thoughts, she resolved to think of anything else, even Cardin Winchester. She would not go down this damned path. No no no no no no no no no.

Never.

* * *

No slumber party would be complete without truth and dare, or so Yang kept insisting, but was overruled by her tired friends. They remembered the last time she had convinced them to play along with her, and would rather not.

Which didn't keep her from demanding one question, of course.

"Pyrrha!" she demanded. "You've been quiet all night- when did you know?" she wanted to know. Given that the Champion hadn't burst into tears or been the least bit surprised by the confession, she had been the first to know… but when?

"It was probably during their sparring matches," Ruby assumed. A single stumble, an accidental rip of clothes, or some grappling... wait, when had she turned into her sis?

"Or at the dance?" Weiss wondered. Pyrrha had always only had eyes for Jaune, and would have been looking the hardest when he/she had shown up in the dress.

"She could have just told her," Ren suggested reasonably, looking to Joan for confirmation.

Joan laughed awkwardly. "I'm not really sure I should say," she claimed when eyes turned towards her.

"It's alright," Pyrrha said with a smile. She turned to them. "Jaune told me when I confessed to him."

Six pairs of eyes widened at the realization, and Yang's whistle was accompanied by the others' sounds of surprise. Now _this_ was juicy gossip worthy of a girl's night!

"I felt I owed her the truth," Joan admitted sheepishly. "After everything she helped me through- and to hear her confess- she deserved to know." Joan said, putting her hand over Pyrrha's giving a grateful squeeze. "She accepted me, and then convince me to tell all of you," she leaned into her partner with a smile in an expression of intimate trust, and Pyrrha leaned back in solidarity.

"You go, girl," Nora applauded, pleased that Pyrrha had made the effort from start to finish.

"Shame about the reveal, though," Yang said with a moment of pity, but only a moment. Then she leaned forward. "So, how did you react when you learned he didn't have the goods?"

"Yang!" Weiss and Ruby scolded.

"It must have been awkward," Blake said with sympathy. "Did you take it hard?"

Pyrrha shook her head with her constant smile. "I was surprised, but it didn't matter to me. I fell in love with the good man inside, and that didn't change." It was a soft, contented smile without any doubts or shame about so openly admitting the feelings she had held.

"Whoa," Ruby was taken aback by the frank and unembarrassed admission.

"That's impressively mature," Weiss admitted, impressed. Even Blake was nodding.

"Shame it couldn't work out," Yang said.

Pyrrha simply continued smiling from her position leaning into Joan. Joan herself was embarrassed and looking away… but still leaning into Pyrrha, and still holding her hand.

"Whoa," Yang said, eyes widening. "No. Way."

Pyrrha said nothing, but her smile took a turn for the enigmatic with a touch of the cat who had caught the canary.

* * *

Yang woke up like she did after any good night of fun- unwillingly and uncomfortably. Thirsty, cotton-mouthed, and aching in the way that suggested a good fight. With a moan for good measure, she rolled herself off her bed.

"Morning Yang," her sister greeted.

"Morning Rubes," Yang greeted. "I just had the craziest dream. Jaune called us all together and confessed his big secret. Then we had a slumber party. And I think I had too much fun."

"Er… but we did have a slumber party because of Jaune," Ruby said. "Don't you remember?"

Yang startled more awake. "Whoa, that was real? You mean- Jaune really is-" she trailed off.

"Yep," Ruby said cheerfully, pulling out her scroll. "Want to see the video?" Good thing Ren hadn't deleted it.

"No, no, I'm good," Yang denied. "I'm just still surprised. I can't say I was expecting, but I certainly didn't expect the first of us to hook up with a girl would be Pyrrha."

There was more than a beat of silence, long enough that Yang turned her head to look at her sis. "What?" she asked. "There's nothing wrong with that."

Ruby looked perturbed none the less. "…Yang? What are you talking about?" she asked.

Yang smiled at how innocent Ruby could be. "You know. Last night. Pyrrha. Jaune. Sweet Amazonian love."

"Wouldn't you need two girls for that that?" Blake asked from the side.

Yang sat up straight. "What, did Pyrrha turn out to be a boy the whole time?" she asked. What had she missed last night? Heck, how would that even be possible? Jaune could be an flat girl, but Pyrrha's assets were way too big to-

"A boy- Yang, what are you going on about?" Weiss interjected from afar.

"But- she and Joan- it was so obvious-" Yang stumbled.

"Who?" Blake asked.

"You know. Jaune. As a girl. Which he is." Yang said. "Which she called us together to confess," she reminded when her teammates continued to give her a silent look.

"Yang, you're clearly out of your mind, drink some water," Weiss ordered. "Ruby, show her the video."

Ruby presented the scroll, which had a familiar scene from last night. It showed the scene, shot by Ren, of them resolving to hear Jaune's confession with an open mind.

In entered Jaune, caught in the video's shaky footage. There he was again, preparing to confess his hidden secret.

"Guys," Jaune prepared to admit, "I'm actually-"

* * *

_Fin_

* * *

Author Notes:

What is Jaune actually confessing? Is he a faunus? A time traveler? A badass playing dumb for Reasons? Working a part-time job? The world may never know… unless you take this challenge and write your own Jaune's Confession scene. Drop a review and let me know how that works out if you ever do. Drop a review even if you don't- it always seems strange to me that I always have nearly twice as many people who favorite or follow a story than who actually review it.

Some notes about this before I go.

This was the product of sleep deprivation, a bug, and a RWBY marathon post-Monty. Chapter 1 was the initial conceit, with Jaune's friends more or less coming together as his friends before finally confessed his deceit to all of them. It originally ended the same way this one ends, with Jaune's confession being a blank. Chapter two would have started the 'I'm actually a woman' bit as a brief gag chapter, with subsequent chapters each being their own 'Jaune admits to X.' Faunus, White Fang, having a part time job for Junior, etc. But I never felt like writing all those out. Then the 'I'm a woman' confession went on twice as long when a few didn't-quite-fit jokes (like 'So fight like a girl and kick ass!' and the Ren Harem) ended up snowballing into this. So the fic became 'Jaune is a woman' rather than 'Jaune's friends have a moment, and then get surprised by unexpected confessions.'


End file.
